What do you want?

This morning as usual I was late for work... I was walking at my fastest pace in order to reach office as early as possible as I am already late... well.. while I was walking something caught my eyes.. it was a harley... not just any normal harley but a harley decorated with sunflower.. even the biker's jacket is affixed with lots of striking yellow sunflowers... but it passed by too fast. I don't have enough time to take a photo of it. But you can try imagining sunflowers filled every inch of it's nicely polished black harley... can imagine??


Well this sunflower harley reminds me of a wedding car nicely decorated with fresh big yellow sunflowers.. it was so stunning.... i think it was roughly 5 years ago.. that day was my friend's wedding too... kee, mei, sow, pk & me was in the car on our way to the groom's house... and this charming wedding car came passing by... i can't hardly get it out of my mind until today...
When I reach office today... Gold 98 was on and it was playing what is your dream wedding... and that reminded me about a dream which i never remembered... My ex told me that I was talking in my sleep. I was telling him that I would want my wedding to be in Big Ben, London. This was like, wow. Yes I really like that place but hey, I never thought of going there for wedding... and that makes me wonder what do I really want. I used to dream about getting married, having my own little family, sweet and simple with a loving husband but I have lost all this dreams. I don't dare to even think about it. In fact, I don't want all this anymore which I once think that it is important and what I long to have from now till the end of my life. Things just came crashing thru my life this few months which makes me and my little heart becomes colder and colder.
Yesterday a friend of mine asked me a very simple question which until now I could not answer and I am still wondering why. Before he asked me the main question, he asked, "Jackie, how old are you this year?" I answered straight, "24". Then here comes the bomb, "You are 24 this year, what do you want?". Seriously, there is so many things that came bumping in to my thoughts but yet I could not answer this simple yet complicated question. What do I want? At the end I answered i don't know... I really don't know. What you dream is really what you want? or what you always think is what you want? What is the most important thing in your life that you would like to have from now till the end of your life? My first answer was "Money" second was "Career". He said,"No, No, this is not your answer." Seriously I totally agree that, that is not what i really want. But what? The question mark is still running around in my brain...